Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
