it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sober January is a disaster.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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