dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i now understand why vodka
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
