so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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