You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
