That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
