you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
