Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
