i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
