I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
40s are totally the cure
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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