Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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