oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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