Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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