i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
