this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
