I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
