i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
