even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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