you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
