eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
