you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
