I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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