toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i jhust puked up my retainher.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also, beer. Big fan.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
