i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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