He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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