Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
