you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
