Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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