I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
