I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
