you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
