He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
