I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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