Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
