??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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