Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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