Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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