i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
