Can Purell be used as lube?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
