What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
