So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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