I just made out with a guy for $7.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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