Will you blow on my dice?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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