Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
