We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
not ubering you a puppy
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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