giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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