Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
