With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
