Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize