Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
