Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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