I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My pussy is not your playground.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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