Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
