I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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