I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
