i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
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If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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