she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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