just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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