bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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