Porn is love you can see.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk is not a location!
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