Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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