Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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